Today I am celebrating turning 51 and I’m really starting to feel my age. I’m grateful for another year to see my grandkids and spend with my family. I just wish my family would make a bigger deal out of my birthday’s, instead the day comes and goes as if it’s not that big of a deal.
My lovely husband started the day with donuts from Krispy Kreme. It was raining cats and dogs when we got up, but he didn’t hesitate to go get what I had asked for the night before. They were still soft and warm as the red light was on when he got there so they were fresh. Last weekend we went to a home show and he ended up buying me new pots and pans. I can’t remember the last time I had brand new pots. Hell it’s probably been close to 15 years or more.
DINNER and DESSERT
We’ll finish my day with going out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Red Lobster. I love their lobster pizza and will probably end up with crab legs and shrimp as well. We’ll probably skip dessert unless I get something to bring home to eat later.
Overall it will end up being another birthday pretty much like all the previous ones, just another day that comes and goes and when it’s over everybody goes on to whatever the next holiday, birthday, or anniversary that comes along.
I always thought turning 50 would mean that I had finally hit a momentous occasion and would have really accomplished something in my life. However, when 50 came rolling down the road, it hit me like a ton of bricks that no one cared but me. There was no big celebration, no cake, no candles, no nothing except for the Facebook friends who said Happy Birthday and a couple of calls from family members.
After a few days of it sinking in that I was now of a certain age, it was time to take matters into my own hands and figure out where I wanted my life to go from here. I’ve had an empty nest for almost ten years and for the last two years my husband and I have traveled the eastern United States. So now where do I go and what do I do with myself?
To be honest, these past few months have been very depressing and I have felt that my life had no meaning. It was not until recently that I knew I needed to make some changes and get my crap together and get back to the fun loving, outgoing, energetic human being I use to be.
I know I’ve lived with a lot of guilt and grief over the last ten years and it’s been hard to put all that aside and move on with my life. My guilt involves my children and my grief involves my late husband. I have read many books, articles and blog posts by Carole Brody Fleet who was widowed at an early age and have gotten a lot of inspiration from her. I know deep down that I have what it takes to get my life back on track as I done that back in 2009 and 2013 and now it’s time I got my stuff together again and put my life back together, quit being depressed all the time and enjoy the time that I have because I’m still very much alive and I have a lot to be thankful for.
I have three beautiful children, a step-son, their spouses and eight adorable grandchildren that I should be doting on as much as possible all while enjoying my life with my wonderful husband. This past year has been harder on him medically than me, but we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak and we are looking forward to him being 100% recuperated soon.
I am taking the necessary steps to get my life back on track by getting medical help for problems that need to be addressed and starting an exercise regimen that will help me to not only loose some much-needed weight, but will also help me to feel better in the long term. I can already tell a difference over the last 10 days that this has been going on and I look forward to continually getting healthier.
Just because I’ve hit the big 5-0, it doesn’t mean my life is over. My life will always be whatever I make of it and I’m not ready to roll over dead just yet so look out world because I am coming back with a vengeance and I will get my life back on track and will succeed at whatever I put my mind to.