My day starts around 6:00 am as I like to get up and have time to myself before the rest of the house gets up. By 7:45 I’m signing into my computer at work so I can get my workday started. Some days are long and boring and seem to go on forever while some go by fast. Other than working from my house, not much in my work life has changed in the last six weeks that I’ve been at home.
By midweek things seem to be running together and I usually forget what day it is. Talking with others let’s me know that I’m not the only one that feels this way. Although I talk to co-workers through email and Skype almost daily, I still miss being in their presence and seeing people. Last week I went to the office twice, which was a mood booster. Just being able to get out of the house and see that there is still life outside these 4 walls was good.
My weight loss is at a standstill, which is all my fault, but it still affects how I feel about myself, but not enough that I’m willing to make the changes that will make a difference. I weigh myself every other day to make sure I’m not gaining any weight. On a positive note, it shows me that I can maintain the weight I have lost and not loose myself in all the stuff that is going on. On the last day of this month I start back on my HCG shots for six weeks and during that time I must be disciplined and only eat what I am allowed. This is my last round on the program, so I need to make the most of it.
My weekends are spent being what I call extra lazy, although this past weekend on Saturday I did get the house cleaned up a little and the laundry done, but on Sunday I spent the entire day in bed. We did get up and have breakfast, but because Greg didn’t feel good, he wanted to lay down and watch tv in bed so off we all went (dogs included). I ended up taking a nap and then spent the rest of my time surfing the internet. Finally, around 6:00 pm we moved back into the living room. I had wanted to start a sewing project this weekend, but never had the get up and go to get started.
Depression is an ugly thing and my life is being taken over by it right now. It’s hard to pull myself up and get back to living. Every time I think I’m making progress something happens that throws me a curveball, but I’ve been through worse.
Just last week, someone said they couldn’t believe I had moved to Nashville back in 2009 with no job, no family and only 1 friend. I told them that move proved that I could survive anything. Besides I had already survived losing the love of my life the prior year, so how bad could it really be.
Since 2008, I have lost my husband, my son graduated bootcamp and spent 10 months of 2010 in Kuwait only to come back and within months become estranged from all the family he has ever known. I’ve gained 3 grandkids, supported a child through a divorce, 1 through a marriage and 2 births and I don’t know how many moves for myself. My life has been through so many ups and downs over the 50 plus years I’ve been here, it’s a wonder I’m still alive. My motto is, “What doesn’t kill you, makes your stronger.” That will be my new tattoo, so I have a permanent reminder of everything I have gone through.
My current state of mind changes each day as this quarantine continues for another day. More and more people become infected and more people die. I’m grateful I get to work and get a paycheck, but I really want this to be over. I don’t want the government telling me when I can leave my house. I want the freedom the constitution gives me to come and go as I please and do what I want. I missed my granddaughter’s third birthday and if things continue at the current state I will miss more birthdays and vacations.